um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize