Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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