I wish my penis had an off switch
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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