new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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