so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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