my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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