he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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