im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
