where am i from again
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
