I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
