Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
