I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i drank out of a bidet.
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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