I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
