I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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