I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
