just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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