Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found puke in my bra..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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