You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
