and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
