listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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