you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize