I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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