brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
