how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
