they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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