ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
