just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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