This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
