i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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