Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
