I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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