Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize