get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
