so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
