In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love having hate sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
