Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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