..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
