Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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