She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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