Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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