I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
