You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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