i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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