so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
