i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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