On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
