Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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