i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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