I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
