tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
