NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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