she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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