Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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