Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
