Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize