Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
