I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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