Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
