he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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