Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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