dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
home. puking in laundry basket.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
